7.31.2008

Ode to the Lime


From within a tiny flower,
emerging, glimmering, by moon,
a round, near neon meteor shower,
harvested none to soon.

Tenderly pierced by serrated blade,
through pungent exocarp of jade,
exploding pulp one should evade,
teeter totters now displayed.

Pieces of a miracle, squeezed.
Acidic. Sweet. Alive.
From the hemispheres, the Gods appeased,
this fragrance does revive.

Cathedral spears perched above foam,
waiting a push and a plunge,
to a secret, ritualistic home
(salted chips to act as a sponge).

This mixture with the agave blue,
like drops upon an altar,
the icy waves combine, imbue,
this nectar can not falter.

So, when in hand, consider this.
The brilliance, the sublime.
Take a slice, a smile, a kiss,
pause, enjoy this Lime.

Alive and Well

It isn’t a difficult lesson to learn, really. Tupac taught it to us. If you want to continue living life, don’t write a song and admit it in print that you slept with Biggie’s wife.

Just a thought.

7.30.2008

Only That

If not for you, I am but your dream. Only that.

Yet now, it seems, I have you,
at peace with your dreams within mine.
Love and hope and pain can all sleep, anew,
like twirled, lit ferris-wheels at night, combined.

If not for you, I am but your dream. Only that.

Singularly, Lover, sleep with our extremes.
Together, through places the thump and thought go,
delicate fingers pry open clenched themes,
to rest, open palmed, a release to bestow.

If not for you, I am but your dream. Only that.

7.28.2008

Somehow, I Feel Better

I was talking to a young man today. I ducked into a new, local sandwich shop about an hour before the lunch rush to see the place empty. The space was clean and ready for business. The young man readied himself for action, jumping up from his studies behind the register.

I quickly identified my sandwich and he got busy. I talked about why the place was so empty outside of the obvious early hour and newness. He stated it had been like this most of the summer and added there wasn’t a lot of business yet. But it was getting better. “Besides,” he said, “a quiet shift and the early hours allowed him to study and the owners supported that idea.”

I ignored my newspaper and we talked for a bit as I ate my sandwich at a small table near the register. He told me about his major, his full ride scholarship, and his aspirations after completing school. He showed me a picture of his wife and young son. Turns out, he is living rent free in a grandma unit behind his mom’s house just a few blocks away. He was content in his world.

He seemed like a bright young man. I immediately had the feeling he did well in school and that, someday, would excel in anything he chose to pursue.

But I had to ask, “So, you live rent free, your wife works full time, and have all the money you need for school, why are you working here? Why not just plow through school and get it out of the way as soon as possible?”

His answer was stunningly simple. Even though he didn’t need to work, he worked. He didn’t want his son to see him just hanging out and being a student/slacker. He wanted his son to see the value in work beyond the paycheck. He wanted to work for his education and also have the ability to do more for his family with the little extra money he makes.

Needless to say, he made an impression on me. I left the sandwich shop uplifted. The world is not a great world these days. Our current and previous leaderships have placed us in vulnerable positions in uncertain times. My father would echo that it is not as nice a world as it was when he was my age (or younger, even). But I walked to my car thinking the world was going to be OK. because I found a bit of hope in a young man at a deli counter.

However bleak the news media portrays the seemingly crumbling and cruel world, a deli-sandwich maker can undo with good work ethic and a positive attitude. It doesn't seem that difficult anymore. Somehow, I feel a bit better.

And, Now ...

Then ...

Take my hand, I’d say, and no one knew,
Where, or to what extent the pain,
No flowers or sonnets with notes to chew,
Only an opened wound, a stain.

I tried it again. Again. Take my hand, pleading,
And few understood the hollow calendar moon,
Or the silence of the daily bleeding,
Or, how to begin, to break out of the cocoon.

And, Now ...

This is why, when hearing this voice, stating out,
Take my hand, that internal echo is a sign,
A season no longer in anguish from drought,
The love, the turbulent release of cork-suppressed wine.

That pouring out from touch of digits vowed,
In my mouth the taste of tannin and fire,
Birds of paradise and verse allowed,
The hurt replaced with open desire.

And, Now ...

7.25.2008

I've Been Labeled


I’m Mud. And I’m a Gastrosexual.
Gastrosexuals, per the Daily Mail, are a new breed of man who "use their kitchen prowess to impress friends and prospective partners." Muses include Gordon Ramsay and that "Naked Chef" dude Jamie Oliver, both of whom evidently have to fend off comely females with frying pans due to their ability to whip up tasty meals and look good while doing it. Says a spokesperson for food company PurAsia: "Male Gastrosexuals in particular are no longer content with what they can find at the back of the kitchen cupboard. They are looking for something much more satisfying in terms of taste, participation and effort.'"
I didn’t know it, but yes, I am. I have been a Gastrosexual for years. Now they have named it and declared it a trend in our modern culture. I’ve been discovered. Game’s up. I’m coming out of the pantry.

A couple things clued me in. Here are some of the highlights of the 'Emergence of the Gastrosexual' report:
• The average Gastrosexual male is aged between 25-44 and is upwardly mobile, well travelled and cooks for their own pleasure and the praise of others .... CHECK
• 60% of respondent men now regularly cook for friends and family, favouring complicated foreign dishes over traditional .... CHECK
• 50% of men say they consider cooking to be a hobby and not a chore, compared with only 40 per cent of women .... CHECK
• 50% of the men surveyed prepare meals using separate ingredients everyday spending on average 41 minutes cooking on a daily basis .... CHECK
• The number of families where men help in the kitchen has risen from 27.5% in the post war period to 66.5% in 2008 .... CHECK
So that's me. I'm not affraid of the kitchen. Actually, it is my favorite room in the house. I've been cooking for myself and others since I was a teenager. I enjoy it.

Not only that, I admit to watching all the classic, modern cooking shows on t.v. from Iron Chef (the original Japanese version), The Naked Chef, to Good Eats. And, I have to say, Alton Brown rocks. I dig these shows and freely admit to having more than a thing for Giada De Laurnetiis that goes beyond just cooking, if you know what I mean (and I think you do). Seriously! To cook along side Giada … Mmmmm. Yeah!

There is no doubt I am a Gastrosexual. Just last night, for example, I made Beer-Steamed Shrimp (steamed with a seductive and potent concoction of red onion, whole cloves, allspice berries, black peppercorns, orange zest and a couple of beers) with a West-Indian Cocktail Dipping Sauce made from scratch. Along with some bbq’d vegetables tossed in my sherry/honey vinaigrette, some crusty bread, and a couple bottles of wine, it was quite the successful dinner with new friends.

But all that just means I dig cooking, right? No, that is not all of it. This new term, Gastrosexual, hints at one more element, a key ingredient. It is the reason this study and this term are in the news right now. So, you ask, have I ever used my kitchen prowess to seduce a woman? ... CHECK and Abso-freakin’-lutely!

7.22.2008

Liscensed Tequila

Sam: What's the story, Norm?
Norm: Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer.
- Cheers
I take a ridiculous pleasure in what I eat and drink. - James Bond
I, literally, have no plans this weekend (save an hour or so of ignored yardwork and my favorite local band). So, I think I might go to school on how to make the perfect margarita over a few beers.

Chainsaw Therapy

Crying, no doubt is emotionally releasing. I released a lot this weekend. I also spent a lot of time listening to headphone music on the iPod. I did nothing but sit out on the back deck, gazing out into a back yard that has been ignored for way too many weeks now. There existed little ambition to do anything about it.

However on Sunday, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t crack a beer until I’d dealt with a large, oak branch. It had fallen from the neighbor’s tree into our yard and has been stretched out over sprinkler heads and deadening grass for a couple of weeks now. The grass was getting ugly under it. I couldn’t let it go another day. I needed to stop being all emotional and get my head back in the game.

I needed some chainsaw therapy.

I changed into ripped, yard workin’ jeans and boots with a t-shirt that should have been thrown away after college. I ignored the mess in the garage, found the goggles and gloves, and plowed my way to the cabinet which hold all things electronic and gas powered for cutting stuff (skill saw, hedge trimmer, sawsall, chainsaw, etc.). Not to get all Tool-Time on you, but I thoroughly enjoy using my Echo CS-330T chainsaw. It is small, compact and highly efficient. I’m not going to joust with any lumberjacks or compete in any tree felling competitions, but for medium to large oak branches this thing zips through these jobs like “a hot knife through butta’”. Yes, it was a Land ’O Lakes moment on Sunday.

Chainsaw therapy achieved!

All the logs are now neatly stacked next to the fire pit, awaiting some toasted marshmallows when the kids get back. The miscellaneous, scraggily branches have been hauled to the green waste pile (to be cut even smaller next weekend). The sprinkler heads have been repaired. The yellowing grass is returning to normal.

Beer after chainsaw therapy is refreshingly good.

7.19.2008

Black Dog Down


December 31, 1994 - July 19, 2008

Life's Lyrics 9 - Bad

Mud Note: This is a short story and a work of fiction based around the U2 song lyric ... and a recurring dream. Maybe the other way around. But still.

Josh woke up in a panic and a cold sweat. Again. His eyes darted around the blackened room looking for a clue as to where he was at the moment. Recently, there’d been too many alternating dark rooms and he couldn’t place his exact location.

He felt the sheets under his back. They were damp. He tilted and used the corner of the pillow case to wipe the moisture from his upper lip like a napkin. His hair stuck to his forehead as he turned back over and he scraped his fingers upward to push the strands away. They stuck up toward the headboard in the humidity. He coughed. Given the reverberation and echo from the room he figured out he was home.

"Shit," he said aloud to himself at the realization that his own bed felt foreign. His arms fell back to the bed with a thud. He didn't even recognize home.

He’d had that same dream again. It was a recurring dream started in his childhood that crept in whenever a fever would break. It was nearly the same every time now, no fever needed. Large geometric shapes of squares, spheres, and pyramids in blue and black moved when not looked at, all getting secretly closer and crowding, like modern chess pieces in a game where Josh didn't know the rules. And lately, they appeared with large, protruding words etched into them. "Surrender... Dislocate... Isolation... Revelation."

Not a scary dream, really. Shapes and words. Sesame Street, right?! Josh could always sort of shrug off the dream's lingering feeling later in the day with ease. It was sort of like being scared of clowns. During the light of the day, it can be laughed away as childish. Life goes on. But even as an adult at 3 in the morning these geometric shapes held specific power. There were more of them and they were getting bigger. And they were coming to get him more often these nights. This was the fifth sleep in a row, skipping a few nights of non. It was either, dream and surrender to their onward, growing progression each night, or stay wide awake. Twist and turn away. Tear himself in two, again. Or ...

Josh got up. If nothing else, he needed to let the sheets air in the cool night. He stopped to make sure his old dog was still watching out for the night noises downstairs. He heard the old boy breathing. Breathing was good. Josh paused with resolution. So, he continued on.

He flipped on the bathroom light and stared at a man he hardly knew. He looked pale. He needed to shave. He was scratchy. What, three days ago? His eyes were blood shot, remnant of crying himself to sleep. What, five nights now?

Reality returned to his clouded mind and he remembered his battles of the previous days. And of the day yet to come.

He felt his way outside to the porch and walked into the night air. It was comforting at first. There was a slight drizzle from the fog and a soft breeze. His wind chime sounded quietly ever so often. There remained a certain calm to the night when awake, especially tonight.

But Josh still just felt restless, numb to the agitation that was ahead of him coupled with a growing tension of things yet unresolved. He tried to strengthen his mood and reflected back to sailing at midnight when he was a teenager and that uplifting life of promise he once owned outright. He likened himelf a Knight once upon a time. A good guy. Yet, he now thought of himself split in befores and afters. He wished to free his spirit, to just walk, walk away, out into the night and through the rain, into the half-light.

But he was not that brave or maybe cowardly. He wasn't sure.

Josh took a few deep breaths and readied himself for a Zen battle. The night air he owned. It was his. He liked it. He liked it a lot. He breathed deeply. Armor. Strength.

He turned and almost marched back to the king bed and planted himself squarely in the middle. He closed his eyes concentrating on releasing the tension from his toes that insisted on the metronome tap to the song in his head. Tomorrow there would be one less big, black shape. Tomorrow. Josh would win another day. It will be a battle. He'll cry, but he'll conquer another. It will be bad. But, he'll win. Check!

Desolation.

Let it go. And so fade away. Let it go.

Wide awake. Wide awake. Not sleeping.

7.17.2008

10 More Lessons Learned Since Noon

1) In spite of a mad rush in the morning, it is always advised turn the AC on before leaving the condo when it will be over 100 degrees in MudHole.

2) Never, ever leave the empty bowl of corn salsa remains out on the counter during a hot day. EVER. Ants love corn salsa remains. All 552 of them. Ooops, there's another. 553.

3) Odorless ant spray still smells.

4) When your inbox contains more than 3,000 emails, it's time to delete a dozen or so from 2005.

5) The PiƱa Colada song by Rupert Holmes is still as wrong as it was in the 70s. All Wrong. And. One. Must. Remove. Song. From. Brain. (smack).

6) Getting a goldfish and naming it Gil sounds real fun. But it isn't. Now an egg laying chicken named Buck Buckah, THAT would be cool.

7) Limestone is not something that should be taken for granite.

8) Constantly turning on your phone to see if you missed a call is a lot like hitting the send/receive button to see if you have an email or, better yet, watching a pan of water boil on the stove by constantly relighting the burner.... (wait, what?)

9) Having a good heart to heart talk with ones alarm clock is important. I sat down with Mr. Emerson this evening do discuss how we work together. Sort of a performance review, if you will. We discussed motivation, strengths and weaknesses, opportunities for advancement, that sort of thing. Seeing as how Mr. Emerson was actually hired by the other Principal Tenant in the condo, he said he really didn’t see me as his boss. He was promised that he only needed to work certain mornings as twice a week he gets mornings off with the other boss. I wasn’t aware of that and explained I needed him to show up promptly every morning. In fact, I needed him to be extra early on my gym mornings.

We tried negotiation. I promised him I’d only hit snooze once not three or four times, but Mr. Emerson didn’t blink. “Listen Em,” I stated sternly using the shortened Em for effect, “I don’t have to explain myself to you. You are $20 hire.”

He just flipped and turned another cold number.

I’d fire him, but I didn’t hire him. He was just here when I showed up this week. And it is kind of hard to find a good clock radio with subtle, glowing orange numbers that don’t keep you glaringly awake at night without the use of prescription sleep aides. Medication can be costly these days. Em knew his worth. So, I promised him that I’d clean him with those nice appliance wipes more often and give him a better angle so he could see out the bedroom window. He gave in a bit and said he’d try a bit harder if I really only hit snooze once and left him alone on the weekends.

Face it. I had to negotiate for fear of my iPod, Treo, and Computer unionizing. That could just get messy.

10) Cold beer tastes good.

10 Lessons Learned Today (and it is only half over)

1) Turning the alarm off to the new, bedside alarm clock is not the same thing as hitting snooze.

2) Trying to pull off a Casual Dress Thursday instead of a Friday is not a popular idea with some people

3) My corn salsa with black beans is still quite good for breakfast even after more than a week and a half in the fridge, especially with stale soy-flaxseed chips from TJ’s.

4) Constantly turning on your phone to see if you missed a call is a lot like hitting the send/receive button to see if you have an email or, better yet, watching a pan of water boil on the stove by constantly relighting the burner.

5) When one of those companies calls selling a newsletter for $100 a year, just say NO. Seriously. Don’t even think it sounds interesting despite being smack dab in the middle of your professional interests because you’ll never really get the newsletter or the invoice and then one day you get a collection call to your company with your name on it.

6) Be charming, warm, and sweet to Accounting ... ALWAYS.
(mental note: send a thank you card or at least an email)

7) Nix number three. Not so good now. Although I blame the chips not the salsa.

8) Lunch in the park is always a quality, alone time experience and fixes most minor, daily problems. It does help, though, to remember the plastic fork for your roasted vegetable salad.
(mental note: one must remember to stop using ink pens from the car as chopsticks when one's tongue starts to turn blue)

9) When the gas in your car is running low, it helps to remember to pocket your money clip with you debit cards out of the pants you wore the day before. You know, the ones you threw in the laundry basket! Asking co-workers for gas money home makes Casual Dress Thursday look like a walk in the park.
(mental note: go through pockets before doing the laundry tonight)

10) 5:00 p.m. is a long ways away.
(mental note: need more beer... lots)

7.16.2008

Is it blog worthy?

Things come up often where I ponder if they are blog worthy. I mean, I don’t want to over share. For instance, last night I was watching the first television I’ve seen in, oh I don’t know, two weeks maybe, and I glanced out to see a hummingbird hanging outside the window above the t.v. At that very moment a large bug thing bounced out of the lamp shade next to the couch and landed on the wrist of my hand holding a pint glass a third full of beer. I flicked it and screamed, “Ahhhh!” like a little girl and promptly wet myself with a splash of Guinness onto my crotch. Enough beer that I had to contemplate if it was worth changing my pants. I vetoed the idea and continued watching t.v. in wet jeans smelling faintly of old beer. So – there. You heard it here first.

Gym Clothes Fashion Faux Pas

Yesterday morning, I walked into the room where all the bicycles and treadmills are located. I was stunned to see a fairly attractive woman riding a stationary bike in a pair of jeans. Jeans, I say, ... on a bike ... in a gym. What the #^@&! Somebody really needs to put me in charge one day. Things like this can't keep happening. It makes things all catywompas.

7.15.2008

Billboard(s) = SPAM

I’ve been out of town for a few days. So out of my peripheral vision on the drive to work this morning, I noticed that a billboard or two have changed. I don't know what was on them before and I don't remember what is on them now. But, the image has changed. I won’t look at them again. But I noticed a disturbance in the force (force being my calm, relaxing ... read: sleepy ... state during the commute).

For the most part, billboards are visual, posted pollution to me. However, I admit I do tend to like them more in urban settings. In fact, what would LA be without pasting the latest car and movie ads on the sides of large buildings? But, the ones along the way on my morning drive to and from work are simply in my way of the gorgeous view of the mountains.

Ogeden Nash once wrote in the Song of the Open Road
I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
I’ll never see a tree at all.
Will there ever be a time when the billboard will not be around? I hope so. But I doubt it. Billboards are yesterday’s SPAM. And we haven’t found a solution to SPAM here either.

So, I have a solution. And it is stolen straight from The Simpsons and an episode that aired in the mid-1990’s. It was a Halloween special where a freaky lightning storm electrifies all of Springfield’s giant advertising monsters into coming to life and they start to destroy the town. In a moment of sheer brilliance, Lisa and Paul Anka come up with a jingle (a musical ad, ironically enough) telling everyone to stop looking. Just don’t pay attention to them.

“Just don’t look. Just don’t look,” so the jingle jangled.

The people of Springfield stopped paying attention and the billboard monsters died. Town saved.

I like that strategy. I use it often. I just don’t look. I look through them to the mountains around MudHole. And the same goes for the SPAM when I turn on my computer(s). Just don’t read. Just don’t link….. Just Don’t Look.

You’ll Do Nothing, And Like It


I used to master the Zen-like art of doing nothing. I was usually one of the first among my college friends to achieve nothingness on a Saturday when I should have gone to the library or architecture studio. But I wasn’t wasting time. I was doing nothing. It is an important aspect of life.

Sure, we all have in inkling on how to Do Nothing. We all know how to just lay around and waste time. But I’m not talking about wasting time. I’m talking about Zen here.

I know, I know. You are too busy to do nothing. You don’t have time. And when you do Do Nothing, your mind just can’t get around work and family responsibilities and mortgages and groceries and all the daily affairs that go on in life. You can’t relax when your head is racing. I so get that. But you must achieve nothingness soon. It is imperative to your well being. Trust me on this (but not these people ... DoNothingDotOrg ... they just want your money).

Doing Nothing (or DN from here on out) is an art form. Here are some tips:

Start Slowly
You can’t master DN all at once. Sometime it helps to start out slowly. Don’t overwhelm yourself. Find a park at your lunch hour and just go sit in a shady spot or sunny spot of your choice and relax. Don’t bring a book. Don’t listen to music. Just sit comfortably for five to 10 minutes. Or, after you get home from work, sit on the back porch and stare out to the horizon. Let your mind shut out any and all distractions. Turn off your cell phones and the tv. Leave the computer off. DN demands no communication.

You can close your eyes. But don’t fall asleep. That is doing something. It is called a nap. DN is not Napping.

Practice DN as often as possible. Every day is good. Nobody becomes a DN Master over night without weeks, months, and maybe years of practice.

Relax
If you are tense in any way, DN can not be achieved. So, get comfortable. Breathe deeply and regularly. Stretch out. Put your feet up. Hammocks were made for those who DN. Once you feel relaxed, see if you can relax even more.

Enjoy a Beverage (and maybe a snack)
DN is sometimes best when enjoyed by beverage. Wine and beer are probably best. Concentrate on the liquid and the Art of the Sip (to be blogged at another time). Savor the drink. If drinking wine, however, try to ignore any and all attempts to find ways of describing the wine. Then you are wine tasting, WT. WT is not DN. If having a beer, well, you can’t really over think a beer, so just enjoy beer. A cold bottle with a lime always helps.

Advanced DNers might try some light snacks. Cheese and crackers are good with wine. Chips and salsa are good with beer. Eat slowly and leisurely. Don’t concentrate on eating. Just casually play with your food as needed. And, don’t make too much out of the food because then you are Snacking, not DN. Nobody can achieve perfect DN with a grumbly tummy. So, food is OK.

Seek Out Nature
Once you can regularly achieve a Zen-like state in your daily dose of DN, you might start venturing out into a more natural setting. The beach is perfect. The bank of a river is always an excellent choice. Nature and water together are usually solid choices for DN. Any place where you can be completely away from the sounds of those racing between life’s chores are the best places in nature. So, get outta Dodge.

DN with Others
This is a highly tricky level of DN. Inevitably, getting others involved starts things like Talking, Cuddling, Tickling, among other things. You must practice DN with only another practiced DNer. The rules must be worked out ahead of time. To achieve DNness with another, however, is the most rewarding level of DN there is.

Good luck. Let me know how you do and if I can be of assistance in any way.

DN Master Mud

7.14.2008

Life's Lyrics 8 via "Eli's Coming" from Sports Night

It wasn't supposed to be a success. And Maybe it didn't become one after only running a few season on network television. However, to me Sports Night is a touchdown and a hole-in-one at the same time. It was consistently funny, intelligent, and emotional all at the same time. Classic Sorkin before The West Wing.

The other day I was searching my brain for a quote. I had a feeling about the world and that things were changing, not for the better. I couldn't remember what show or movie with which the quote came. I obsessed a bit during my drive to LA. Then, a flash. It was the line "Eli's coming". I had remembered how the line made me feel while watching it more than the subject matter. And I sure as hell didn't remember it came from sudo lyrics from a song.

So, since the world seems to be going to hell right now, this was the quote/lyric with which I was desperately searching my brain. I found the scene and have reprinted it here. However, one really must watch the DVD rerun in order to appreciate it. Try to think Sorkinesque.
DAN: Rebecca isn't here, Isaac isn't here, there's a strangeness about this day.

DAVE: 30 seconds live.

DAN: Eli's coming.

CASEY: Eli?

DAN: From the Three Dog Night song.

CASEY: Yes.

DAN: Eli's something bad. A darkness.

CASEY: "Eli's coming, hide your heart girl." Eli's an inveterate womanizer. I think
you're getting the song wrong.

DAVE: In ten--

DAN: I know I'm getting the song wrong, but when I first heard it, that's what I always thought it meant, and things stick with you that way.

DAVE: In three, two--

CASEY: Good afternoon, from New York City I'm Casey McCall alongside Dan Rydell. Lions and Tigers and Bearcats, oh my! We've got expanded coverage of the NC Double-A Men's Basketball Tournament, a/k/a March Madness.

DAN: We'll be taking you to Knoxville, East Rutherford and St. Louis, where the Jayhawks are about to tip off, and we want to bring you up to date on some developments out in Phoenix, so we're gonna take you to the America West Arena right after this. You're watching a special Saturday edition of Sports Night on CSC. We're just getting' started, so stick around.

DAVE: We're out.

KIM: Two minutes back.

DAN: They say it's always calmest before the storm. That's not true. I'm a serious sailor. It isn't calm before the storm. Stuff happens.
Stuff happens, no doubt. On the flip side, though, things can still be light. And I still say The Who sang about a doorman named Milo ... "Let Milo Open the Door"

One Must Know the ' I '

Here is a cool link to an interview with Ayn Rand from 1964. I found this pertinent and important to me beyond the normal Objectivisim stuff.
PLAYBOY: Where, would you say, should romantic love fit into the life of a rational person whose single driving passion is work?

RAND: It is his greatest reward. The only man capable of experiencing a profound romantic love is the man driven by passion for his work -- because love is an expression of self-esteem, of the deepest values in a man's or a woman's character. One falls in love with the person who shares these values. If a man has no clearly defined values, and no moral character, he is not able to appreciate another person. In this respect, I would like to quote from The Fountainhead, in which the hero utters a line that has often been quoted by readers: "To say 'I love you' one must know first how to say the 'I.'"

PLAYBOY: You hold that one's own happiness is the highest end, and that self-sacrifice is immoral. Does this apply to love as well as work?

RAND: To love more than to anything else. When you are in love, it means that the person you love is of great personal, selfish importance to you and to your life. If you were selfless, it would have to mean that you derive no personal pleasure or happiness from the company and the existence of the person you love, and that you are motivated only by self-sacrificial pity for that person's need of you. I don't have to point out to you that no one would be flattered by, nor would accept, a concept of that kind. Love is not self-sacrifice, but the most profound assertion of your own needs and values. It is for your own happiness that you need the person you love, and that is the greatest compliment, the greatest tribute you can pay to that person.

7.10.2008

Oh, Yeah

I am so getting one of these in 2010. Although, it'll probably be labeled a chick car because it is a VW. And I think I made this exact model out of Legos once or twice.

7.09.2008

Childhood Revisited


My kids reminded me this evening it is our last night together until early August. They are leaving to go join my folks at my childhood safe place, a lake in the northern Midwest. This year I have too much going on to join them for part of it. Actually, because of Europe, I just don’t have the vacation time. But, …

My kids get to live my childhood for a bit, the childhood as far back as I can remember.

The Girlie will collect colorful, unique rocks harvested from the Big Lake near by and lovingly house them in empty Quaker Oatmeal containers with a paper towel between each layer. She will collect Queen Anne’s lace, dandelions, and young ferns from the shadow in the woods. She’ll put them in a large Mason jar and present them to my mom with that beaming, prideful smile.

The Boy will spend hours rowing around in the cool, clear water. I taught him to fish a few years ago. Maybe this is the year he will develop the nerve to touch the fish and remove it from the hook on his own. He is an explorer now. And the lake will provide countless hours of solitary entertainment.

They’ll eat outside on the picnic table in the shade and have fresh white corn and bbq’d steaks that my dad expertly prepares. My mom will make her pea and peanut salad. There will be lemonade, cheap beer, and even cheaper wine. They will eat in their slightly damp swim suits and sit on their drying towels. They will play board games at night with the windows wide open and the bugs bouncing off the screens. Through the glass in the front door, they’ll watch a spider make a nearly perfect web just underneath the overhang by the porch light. They’ll walk up to the small grocery store for candy and random errands from my folks. If they catch the right week, there will be renters with other new friends staying in the cottages near by. Bonfires. ‘Smores. Ghost stories. Jokes. Romance. Crushes. Silence.

The lake water holds my sanity. It is my safe place. Maybe it is the way it regularly captures a calm in the late evening to go with a mango sunset. Or, the way on a windy day the water matches the clouds in the sky and treats me to a marching rhythm of white caps that play a beat on the shore like a metronome. It is where I go at night when I’m far away and can’t sleep.

I’m going to miss my Lake. Not too much, though, because my kids will bring back two weeks worth of stories. Not having them be there would be worse because home and family need to continue on even if I can’t physically be there this year. There is a wonderful sense of balance knowing that some traditions are kept safe.

It comforts me to know that my Lake is still alive for my kids. They will bring fresh breath and a stronger heart home to me when they return.

7.05.2008

Life's Lyrics 7ish

Gloria Gaynor. Yeah, I know. I hated that song I Will Survive. Disco. Blechkthhh! Spptttune. Splat! Bad taste. Give me polka over disco any day. At least polka comes with beer.

I’m not going to post the lyrics like I’ve started here in other recent posts. They are way too obvious. However, I will reference the song only because the Cake cover of the song ROCKS. And, yes, the lyrics have now become a personal anthem … yet only when Cake sings it. I still can’t do Gloria, sorry.

Sustenance 1

I don’t want to turn EHTT into a food blog. But ... I cook. It is more than a hobby but one I have no desire to take further than having it just BE an important part of my life.

I’ve been posed the question of how and why I learned to cook. Given their expressions I see their fear. Their eyes question me like I’ve gone through some cooking school boot camp where a secret cabal of iron chefs preside over age-old recipes of spice mingling and time juggling. If I could have only learned that way, it would be a better story. Though, the time juggling is still a huge conundrum. I don't do that part very well.....

My reply to the blank stare is relatively simple, “My mom taught me how to make breakfast.” That is where it started. Although, just between me and world, I think she taught me how to deal with scrambled eggs so that she didn’t have to get out of bed on the cold Michigan mornings at 6 a.m. before I ran out the door to catch the Jr. High school bus. But, that’s ok. No harm, no foul. And, I actually thank her for giving me the confidence to plow forward in the realm of the kitchen (and laundry, too).

The next question is usually, “Why?”

The answer is simple, because I enjoy it.

Now, I will admit I don’t fear the kitchen, but my recent foray into the creative side of recipes started with being told I had high cholesterol. Hyper-Cholesterolemia, actually. The kind of medical deal that could kill me in 10 years or so. Therefore, I took control of my diet, promptly lost about 15 pounds, and rededicated myself to the gym (and, I down a Lipitor every night).

But the cooking thing has stuck. No doubt it is a creative outlet. Healthy food and making it tasty is fun. It is something I hope to pass on to my overly food-picky kids. The Boy is already requesting that I keep the necessary ingredients for chocolate chip bars on hand at all times and he is a master at his own version of scrambled eggs. And, The Girlie loves to put on an apron and help chop stuff (my personal sous chef). When she helps me cook, the kitchen is fun.

For me, this cooking thing is nothing more than a way to cut loose, play, and trifle with folly. It’s pure fun with organic chemistry. Nothing matters. I’ve failed miserably yet I’ve had a mere handful of stunning successes. The more I try, the better I get. Practice is what it is all about.

Outside of baking (and I haven’t EVEN wanted to go THERE), I pirate every recipe. Everything is an improvisation.I am a pirate, no doubt.
(from Pirates of the Caribbean) Elizabeth: You're pirates. Hang the code, and hang the rules. They're more like guidelines anyway.
ImprovWhat matters more than anything, is the longer one cooks, the better the learned alphabet.

It is all about intuition these days. I’ve enjoyed eating all my life so I trust what my palate has to say. I’ve learned to love the food and wine pairing. But, quite honestly, it gets a little over the top for me sometimes. Although, “Eat your Brussels Sprouts and finish your milk” is simple culinary disaster. No wonder kids hate green vegetables. Give them some wine with their meal, please! Kids drink wine in Europe!

Yet, I make mistakes. Catastrophes happen. It’s just a badge of honor or courage, I guess. Yet, while successes make great dinner parties, disasters get talked about. So, I have stories.

So, here we go. Just like the musical lyrics part of this blog (Life's Lyrics), I plan to share interesting meals and times. Wine. Beer. And Food. Because, quite honestly, nothing is better than creating a nice meal and sharing it with friends and family. Those are better stories.

Sustenance 1
Albertson’s had beef rib-eyes on sale. So, tonight The Girlie and I bbq’d us up some steaks and some sweet corn-on-the-cob. But the key part for me was the Confetti Salad…. A mixture of cooked brown rice, zucchini, carrots, tomato, red bells, green onions, red onions, cilantro all chopped up in tiny pieces. I'm talking borderline salsa chopped. Add a bit of lime juice, canola oil, some jalapeƱo, salt, pepper and a can of drained/rinsed black beans, and I was good to go. Who needs measurements? Go with what looks/tastes good.

It wasn’t amazing. But it was fresh and good with the steaks. Next time, I might add the bbq’d corn right into the salad. I'm going to knife it right off the cob and into the salad...

Wine of the night: Tobin James - James Gang Reserve Sarah (2004). It was paired more to go with the steak, but honestly worked well with the confetti salad, too.

Cheers.

7.02.2008

Life's Lyrics 6 - A Work of Fiction

I'm striking while the inspiration is fresh. I've decided to take the lyrics from Solsbury Hill and turn it into a short story. If you don't know the song, I strongly suggest you download it and listen while reading as that is how I wrote it. If not Peter Gabriel's original, then the cover version from Ingram Hill is quite impressive. Remember, this is fiction (with a smile).

Part I
Pete walked into the empty house, cascading his keys down the lengthy kitchen counter. They slid right off the end landing by the trash can. He made no attempt to retrieve them, hoping as he deposited his backpack on the dining room chair that he’d remember his keys resting place later. Instinctively, Pete opened the refrigerator and pulled out a beer. He just stood there and drank it, numb. He’d been like this now for nearly three months and it wasn’t getting better.

Life had changed beyond his control. His wife, his love, just left him, abandoning and crushing all he valued in one simple sentence, “I’m done”. The cavernous house felt like a mortuary. He felt the need to flee, to run away, and find an answer to mend the pain.

Maybe in a moment of pure inspiration or the simple need to move (or die), Pete set his unfinished beer in the middle of the counter. He retrieved his keys and grabbed his backpack slamming a locked door behind him.

He didn’t really know where he needed to go. He was lost yet he continued to drive around aimlessly. The radio was on, an old Genesis song, but it didn’t provide the needed distraction which is ironic because he really loved that song. After a while, Pete found himself on a vaguely familiar road winding up a hill into the darkening skies.

“Perfect,” Pete said out loud to break his own silence. He put the clutch in, took it out of gear, and coasted the car into a small pull out section with a view overlooking the city. It really was quite the perfect time and he wished he’d remembered to pack a few beers. He rolled down the windows to let the music ring out quietly and set the parking brake. He was only going to look for a few minutes. No sooner had he unsnapped his seat belt than the engine died.

“Shit,” he swore almost casually, “now what?” The needle was below “E”. He was out of gas.

“Figures,” he groaned and dropped his head onto the steering wheel, his hands fished for the keys and turned it to off, which did nothing but turn off the radio and the lights.

Sitting on a boulder, Pete gazed out over the city. The wind was blowing and he felt as if time was just standing still. His cell phone sat before him in his open palms. He no longer had anyone to call and for every twinkling light he counted down below in hopes to identify someone to help, he felt himself slip further into despair. He looked away to the silhouetted mountains on the other side of the valley and the purplish sky. He caught a glimpse of a big bird flying and followed it as it dipped under the horizon line only to be identified again as it cascaded up into the sky once again. It stretched its wings and swooped behind a large tree down below him by the road. And for a minute, as it vanished from view, it held the illusion of transforming itself immediately into an upcoming motorcycle. Pete blinked and cleared his eyes from tears in order to see a bit better.

It was a big bike and it pulled up slowly but with a sense of purpose. It was an amazing vehicle being almost all chrome. Even the bulging tank was shiny and reflective in the moonlight. It was something to observe and the driver pulled the bike up close, right next to the boulder.

Pete heard a voice, “You ok?” It was a deep, gravely voice.

“Yeah. Out of gas,” Pete pointed to the car. Funny, the presence of another person was comforting despite the larger than life persona in front of him.

“Mind if I join you,” the man said placing his helmet on the tank. “I’m Gabe”. He stood and stretched out a long arm. They shook hands and Pete noticed a taught, comforting grip. Gabe was a man easily in his late 60s yet had the physique and the moves of someone half that age.

“Pete!” he remembered to say, “My name’s Pete.”

The conversation immediately continued as if they were fast friends. Pete could not believe what he was hearing. This man, this complete stranger, was lifting a cloud. They laughed. They talked about everything and nothing at the same time. More than a couple of times Pete felt it might be a dream that it was all in his imagination. At times he even felt energized, like his heart felt lifted and healthy, like the downbeat of a song with an odd time signature in 7/4 time. He had to listen. He had no choice.

“It’s getting late,” Gabe stated. “Can I give you lift somewhere?”

“Yeah,” Pete blinked. “I’ll get my car tomorrow.”

“Son,” he said, “Grab your things. I’ve come to take you home.”

Part 2
A new chapter, no doubt, Pete still found himself months later in a rut. He was living day to day yet holding it together. He’d stopped having the arguments in his head with his ex-wife and was resigned to silence.

Much of the pain was drowned turning water into wine. Or beer. Occasionally tequila.

Friends and family took sides, as is typical in a divorce. It was only natural and Pete couldn’t really blame them. But, what were once open doors now were shut. He thought of things to say to them. He thought of all the losses and which friends were worth fighting for and which ones he should just cut and let go. It wasn’t like him to consciously hold those thoughts. It wasn’t part of the person he used to be. But sadly, he faced things he never thought he’d have to endure.

Pete saddled into a now familiar bar stool and ordered a beer and shot. He threw his work bag down by his feet. The t.v. was on above the bar with a news story of some sort of monkey experiments. He looked away and to the beer in his hand. The news made him feel even more desperate these days what with the high gas prices, a depressed housing market, the ongoing war, and a lack of even minimal leadership or solutions to any of it.

He didn’t want to be much in the world anymore having lost everything he believed in. So, he just existed. He was just a part of the scenery.

Pete ordered another drink before the long walk home. With gas nearly $5 a gallon, he’d starting using the bus to and from work. And although he loved the idea of green transportation and not leaving a carbon footprint, not using his car seemed like he lost yet another part of his identity. The beer was placed in front of him and he turned to watch the next patron come in from the bright light of the outside world. It was a familiar silhouette.

He’d completely forgotten about Gabe. His black jacket crunched with a comfortable leather sound as he made his way next to Pete and placed his helmet on the stool. He pushed a long strand of gray hair behind his ear, caught the bartender’s eye, and pointed to my beer.

“Good to see you again, son,” Gabe said casually. “How you holdin’ up?”

“Fine. Hangin’ in there,” Pete uttered.

And they talked. They continued right where they left off. They talked art and philosophy. They agreed Ayn Rand was right and wrong at the same time. They chided each other about the bands they both liked and disliked. They shared stuff together over a few more beers.

“I just don’t get it,” Pete said at an introspective moment in the conversation. “I consider myself a survivor. But I’m not doing a very good job of it right now. It’s too easy to just exist. Its a mess just trying to hold on to what pieces of my life I have left.” Pete elevated the last of the beer in his glass and drained the last drop.

Gabe turned from talking to Pete through the bar mirror and looked at him squarely. Pete returned the gesture.

Gabe’s voice held the weight of the world, “You need to rethink this place of yours. This is about being prepared to lose what you have for what you might get. It’s about what you are for what you can be. It’s about letting go.” Thumping his chest and pointing to his head, “Be the person in here and here. Go create. Make.”

Pete felt his heart beat faster. Gabe was right. “Make … that’s a good word.”

Gabe dropped some bills on the counter and picked up his helmet. “Hey,” he said, “Grab your things. I’ve comet to take you home.”

“Yeah. Back home,” Pete echoed. He knew where that was now.

Part 3
Pete sat with his heals in the sand. The heat felt good on his face. He leaned back and looked out to the water between his outstretched feet. He thought it would be a good picture. The water in front of him sparkled. He looked at surfers paddle out farther into the water and pirouette for the next wave.

Life is never where you want it to be. And he thought of the Stone’s lyrics, You can’t always get what you want. But if you sometimes, you might just find, you get what you need. Pete laughed because he figured Gabe would have issue with that saying something about “thinking your free.” But, it didn’t really matter.

His cell phone rang. Pete picked it up to see who called. He was shocked to see a number from an old friend, a friend who at one point became one of the empty silhouettes who watched the hurt and pain from a distance. They all closed their eyes then, but they saw. They watched. They just didn’t know and they weren’t taught the etiquette. It's all ok now.

Pete decided to call back later. He was enjoying new places, new opportunities, and new friends. Today, Pete was making. And tonight he promised a friend he’d make ... dinner.

He watched a surfer stand and spin. Tomorrow he might join in.

He picked up the cell phone and searched for a number. There was a guy holding onto a few boxes of his stuff from his old place. It was mostly furniture and some tools. Pete had managed to let go of most of his material things. These were things next on his list of what to let go. In fact, he’d paired his life down to what he could pack up and go in about 20 minutes.

There was familiar music in the air from a passing car. It was a familiar anthem and worked for the time and place. Pete sang along while he dialed the number.

The surfer rode a wave almost all the way into the shallow water. Pete’s heart was going boom, boom, boom.

Pete got the answering machine. “Hey,” he said into the recording, “Listen. You can keep my things.” The surfer was walking up the beach with a board under her arm. “They’ve come to take me home.”

7.01.2008

An Anthem

Again, driving around in Orange County this last weekend, listening to my road trip music, I described some of my favorite songs as “Anthems”. I was challenged to define it and failed miserably. So, I am here to embellish. That’s what this little blog is all about, right?

I can think of a ton of songs over the years that I would define as an anthem. I can point to examples better than I can define it. Easily The Who’s Won’t Get Fooled Again (see header above) would be way up there. Springsteen’s Born in the USA would qualify. Queen’s We Will Rock You. And more recently for all the Gen Xers out there, Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit is on the list.

But, the problem is a bit esoteric. What works as an Anthem for you might not work for another. It is obviously subjective. An anthem isn’t really a musical style at all. It might be part generational and part genre. There could be a punk anthem from the 80s that just rocks your world. The Baby Boomer’s might choose something more along the lines of The Beatle’s All You Need is Love.

But that still seems a bit shallow to me. It is more than just genre and generation. And then I stumbled upon this little web site. NME is ranking the Top 50 Indie Anthems. I don’t agree with the list very much, but I absolutely loved the explanation of an Anthem.
It’s the moment in the night when with a special tune behind you, for three and a half minutes it’s like you can do anything at all. It’s the songs that bring meaning to life and bring you and your friends close together. They’re the songs that make a difference.
I get that and appreciate the bringing people together part. That was the part I couldn’t define. An anthem is more like the sound track to our lives and the people with which we interact. There it is.

My Anthems of the Week:
Danielia Cotton - Bang My Drum
The Babys - Back on My Feet Again
Snow Patrol - You're All I Have
Spear of Destiny - The Price
The Winebottles - Final Go Round

Things I Saw on the Morning Commute Today Now That We are all Hands Free from the Cell Phones

Purse Fishing
Brush Hair
Floss
Drink Coffee
Read the Morning Paper
Nintendo DS
Snarf a Doughnut
Attempt to separate rowdy kids in the backseat with that really, really long arm
Put on Makeup
Jazz Hands