10 More Lessons Learned Since Noon

1) In spite of a mad rush in the morning, it is always advised turn the AC on before leaving the condo when it will be over 100 degrees in MudHole.

2) Never, ever leave the empty bowl of corn salsa remains out on the counter during a hot day. EVER. Ants love corn salsa remains. All 552 of them. Ooops, there's another. 553.

3) Odorless ant spray still smells.

4) When your inbox contains more than 3,000 emails, it's time to delete a dozen or so from 2005.

5) The Piña Colada song by Rupert Holmes is still as wrong as it was in the 70s. All Wrong. And. One. Must. Remove. Song. From. Brain. (smack).

6) Getting a goldfish and naming it Gil sounds real fun. But it isn't. Now an egg laying chicken named Buck Buckah, THAT would be cool.

7) Limestone is not something that should be taken for granite.

8) Constantly turning on your phone to see if you missed a call is a lot like hitting the send/receive button to see if you have an email or, better yet, watching a pan of water boil on the stove by constantly relighting the burner.... (wait, what?)

9) Having a good heart to heart talk with ones alarm clock is important. I sat down with Mr. Emerson this evening do discuss how we work together. Sort of a performance review, if you will. We discussed motivation, strengths and weaknesses, opportunities for advancement, that sort of thing. Seeing as how Mr. Emerson was actually hired by the other Principal Tenant in the condo, he said he really didn’t see me as his boss. He was promised that he only needed to work certain mornings as twice a week he gets mornings off with the other boss. I wasn’t aware of that and explained I needed him to show up promptly every morning. In fact, I needed him to be extra early on my gym mornings.

We tried negotiation. I promised him I’d only hit snooze once not three or four times, but Mr. Emerson didn’t blink. “Listen Em,” I stated sternly using the shortened Em for effect, “I don’t have to explain myself to you. You are $20 hire.”

He just flipped and turned another cold number.

I’d fire him, but I didn’t hire him. He was just here when I showed up this week. And it is kind of hard to find a good clock radio with subtle, glowing orange numbers that don’t keep you glaringly awake at night without the use of prescription sleep aides. Medication can be costly these days. Em knew his worth. So, I promised him that I’d clean him with those nice appliance wipes more often and give him a better angle so he could see out the bedroom window. He gave in a bit and said he’d try a bit harder if I really only hit snooze once and left him alone on the weekends.

Face it. I had to negotiate for fear of my iPod, Treo, and Computer unionizing. That could just get messy.

10) Cold beer tastes good.