Nesting

An explanation first ... My (soon to be) Ex-Wife and I have an unusual arrangement during our legal separation and pending divorce. We both share the house and a condo. We rotate weeks, Friday to Friday, with the kids in the house while the other lives in a rented condo across town. On Fridays, we switch back. There is a legal term for it called Bird Nesting or a Nesting Agreement.

When the realization of getting divorced punched me square in the gut, one of the numerous panic attacks I felt was the overwhelming feeling that, being male, my time would be limited with the kids. That seemed to be the typical scenario fallout for most men. I’d be forced into a roll as a weekend dad and that was just not good for me. I’m a very hands-on, participatory dad (I do their laundry, make their lunches, monitor their homework, etc.) So, when the nesting idea flitted by in a conversation, I asked a lot of questions and hit the legal websites to find out more information.

Nesting is unique and is very kid centric. The kids stay in the house instead of being forced to go back and forth between parents. Nothing at home changes. Except for the fact that only one parent is present in the house at a time. And if grades are any indication of how successful this arrangement is, the kids improved in school showing no signs of stress due to the separation. Their worlds didn’t really change that much. And with only one parent in the house at a time, there doesn't seem to be much tension in the air anymore.

The other reason for keeping the house was purely economic. Right now is not the time to sell the house. We don’t really know what 2009 will hold for the MudHole housing market, but I’m hopeful.

This article from the SFGate, illustrates how this works rather nicely. It’s different in that these parents live in different places outside of the house, while we currently share a one bedroom condo across town. And we rarely find ourselves in the same room together, much less the house. But, the nesting concept works ... For now!