11.20.2009

How to Win the Lottery

Put $1 down on a lottery ticket and you win automatically.

Invest that dollar toward your thoughts and the dreams of what you'd do if it actually happened. That alone is worth the $1.

11.17.2009

It's Hamma' Time

The other day a friend of mine asked me for advice regarding their pending separation and, ultimately, divorce. More specifically, he wanted to know how I survived it what with all the highly emotional, legal, and financial issues.

That is a loaded question. I understood his trepidation completely. I had the same fears and wanted a ton of answers to questions I didn't even know how to ask.

First, I’m not sure my circumstances are over enough to where my survival can even be counted in the category of “been there, done that”. There are still lingering, almost daily issues. So, I prefaced my comments in the conversation that I didn’t have an appropriate answer. I’m still a work in progress.

Secondly, and more importantly, I’m incredibly biased by own understandings, strengths, and inadequacies. I don’t have a well rounded experience in divorce (thank goodness).

But that is not what my friend wanted to hear. He wanted me to tell him what to do. And that got me thinking.

I’ve been doing some minor construction projects lately and I have construction on the brain. So, I easily went right to the following analogy. For a person comfortable with a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. Got a problem? No big deal, use my divorce-hammer. Bang away at it and your problem can be solved with my hammer. That'll fix it.

At the architecture firm with which I am employed, I’ve been using the same marketing hammer for nine years to some moderate success. Those who have found chiropractors for back pain issues sing the praises of the adjustment hammer, while acupuncturists use that needle-nosed hammer. Recovering alcoholics view the world with their AA hammer, while others find solace in the corner bar...Hammered. Conservatives swing their Rush Limbaugh hammer while Liberals hit their nails with an Olbermann hammer made for lefties. Nutritionists say my cholesterol issues are diet related and should be fixed with a low-fat/whole grain hammer while my doctor fixes me up with the Lipitor hammer.

All of those hammers hit the nail on the head.

I am positive there are studies upon studies that show the biases all around. And I guess that if you truly want to nail it, one should look at the problems in a different way. Take it as an opportunity to find the best solution, not one based on bias. My way is not the right way. And neither is yours all the time, either.

So, my advice to a friend during a very difficult time was to simply be the best person possible. Use whatever tools are available to stay secure, as well as emotionally and financially centered. Be creative. The rest is a work in progress anyway. In fact, divorce and the life after it is a complex construction project in multiple phases. One might need more than a hammer.

Besides, it is fun to wield the electric drill every now and then. Demolition with a saws-all is always a good time. And there is always duct tape for emergencies. More to the point and on a personal note, I've learned to improvise as I lost my favorite hammer in my divorce.

11.16.2009

Dear People from My Dream Saturday Night

Dear people from my dream Saturday night (The Sequal),

Wow. I must say, you all look phenomenal. Really, you really surprised me. If I acted a bit stoic, it was out of sheer amazement in your company.

I was so honored to have THE Jerry Rice and THE Barry Sanders in my little driveway. I love you guys. Tossing the Michigan football was cool. Barry, I’m seriously bummed you left without saying a word though. First, a word would have been good. Any word. Hello even. I don’t have many idols, but you make the list of celebrity dinner invitees. And then, when I came back from grabbing my new jersey with your name and number on it, you had vanished. I was really hoping to get some running back advice for my fantasy league team. See, Chris Johnson and Ray Rice are no-brainers this week. But I’m not sure if I should go with Ricky Williams as my flex player or not. I might go with TJ Houshmazilli (“Championship!”). Jerry seemed to think wide receiver was the way to go. Go figure. But, I’m really leaning toward running backs as the season progresses. Anyway, are you going to be at the Detroit-Cleveland game next weekend? Let’s get together for a tailgate beer or something. I’d like you to meet my fiancĂ©. She’s awesome. She’s a Giants fan, though. Sorry. But she likes football, which is important for me as you know.

Mrs. Beatty, I’m glad you are still kickin’. I don’t know where my mom and dad could have been. I think they were still on a cruise. I must apologize for being at a parent-teacher conference without the parents. I am one now, you know. A parent, that is. In fact, Science is my son’s favorite subject outside of math. And, yes, I am sorry for calling you Old Lady Beatty behind your back. I was in seventh grade. I didn’t think it was wrong at the time. More importantly, I didn’t think you heard me what with you being so old and hard of hearing. Anyway, I was thinking about what you said and I don’t think I need to redo that report on Madame Curie. You already gave me an A-. I’m good with that. Also, you should try wearing pants. It is 2009. Teachers can do that now. Although, those horn-rimmed glasses are still rather rockin’.

Holy carpentry, Batman! Carl, it was good to see you, too. I know we are FB friends n’ all these days and you haven’t been on-line much, but I was rather surprised you showed up at my little construction project. My embarrassment stemmed more from not recognizing you, I think. You’ve shaved. The beard was good. You should keep it. Oh, and thank you for the pointers on my craftsmanship, or lack thereof. Indeed, everything is as level and plumb as I could get it given the existing conditions, the brick-like soil, re-use of old wood, and the sloped patio. Biligi would say “it eese kind of nice”, though he would also say it is “sheet”. It is, after all, just a simple, wooden gate at the side of the house. Carl I wish you would have stayed and grabbed a hammer for old time’s sake. Yes, I am going to rebuild that one section. That part is “sheet”. Am I supposed to keep your dog now? I think she misses you and I have my doubts about her getting along with Lucky, the cat.

So, thanks for visiting me again. I hope we can do it again soon. Let me know ahead of time, though. I’d really like to be more prepared for these visits. I do love that you all took the time, but I just feel so unprepared. I hate that feeling.

Until next time.

Sincerely,

Mud

PS – We missed you at the Mudhole-Paso Robles High School football game. It was fun. I’ll warn you to stay away from those tri-tip sandwiches next time. My stomach loudly played tag football with Muppets all night long. Even the cat needed more quiet, subsequently sleeping on the far side of the bed. Tasty, though!

11.14.2009

Out of Touch with that Inner Struggling Artist (ISA)

The Inner Struggling Artist (ISA) is that area in one’s brain that knows they’re brilliant at their “thing” and just haven’t been discovered yet. It is that part that so desperately needs the world to sit up and take notice. There is talent to share and when others start to understand that fact, everyone will be for the better. All those people that have criticized the art/work (or lack thereof) over the years will turn into suck ups. Ultimately when one only listens to the ISA, the echo back simply pleads for that ... One. Big. Break.

ISA = Waiting for the other shoe to drop

ISA = Train Wreck

ISA = Desperate Media Attention / Acceptance

ISA = The Parents of the Balloon Boy Hoax / MTV dramas / Kanye West

ISA ≠ True Artistic Value

ISA ≠ Success or Self Worth or True Happiness

The people who muddle through their lives being guided by their ISA either simply crave attention or thrive on getting beaten up. They require the daily drama. They probably can’t understand true, personal success and what it means to own it. As long as ISA rules, their daily flogging will continue. Every. Day.

Quite simply, pull Struggling out of the equation. Seriously! I just can't bare to watch you anymore.

11.13.2009

That's A Lot of Ivory

I'm spending some time at lunch these days trying to catch up on old, saved emails and links to articles I'd like to read. So, I just read a statistic that there are at least thirty million chil­dren/students in China currently taking piano les­sons.

Thirty.

Million.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/from_our_own_correspondent/7436434.stm

I wonder how many are playing the violin, the oboe or the tuba?

11.12.2009

There Should Be a Law

I refuse to talk about the fact that Christmas decorations are popping up in places pre-Thanksgiving. There should be a law.

I will not discuss the newly stocked isles at the grocery stores (yes, all of them) with wrapping paper, tinsel, and candy canes. I noticed them even before Halloween. Next year, I might go trick-or-treating/partying as Santa Claus. Talk about an evil costume. There should be a law.

I drove by a house on my block and the owner was hanging twinkle lights already. There should be a law. And another one about taking them down before, say, Independence Day.

Unless there happens to be some new way to roast a turkey I haven’t heard about, I will not crack the pages of the recently received cooking magazines on my coffee table as they are promoting Christmas over Thanksgiving (THE BEST holiday of the year). In fact, I believe the favored recipe for turkey is to simply place the bird in the oven until done. Seriously! That is it. No recipe needed. Ok, maybe I’ll brine it overnight and rub a stick of butter into the skin first. But, I won’t have Christmas recipes trump my Thanksgiving. There should be a law.

I’m currently listening to CDs or sports radio to avoid ANY accidental December oriented tuneage from music stations. There should be a law.

I have, however, purchased my first Christmas present of the year. I’ll give latitude on that one.

But on Friday, November 27th, bring it on! Until then, there should be a law.