A Dear Jane Letter

Dear A –

This is difficult for me. I may stumble a bit with what I want to say here. So, please give me a bit of latitude. But, but, the reality is I can no longer be in this relationship. I’m sorry.

When I first found myself in your part of town, I found you fresh and new. It was exciting to explore your aisles. In fact, I had to learn a whole new way with you. Normally, I place my produce in my cart last so that my tomatoes and peaches don’t get smooshed. But because you had your coffee stand and the deli right there when you came in the entry door right before the produce section, it just made sense. So, I changed. It was a bit different, but I changed for you.

As you know, I’m a morning person. Our early Saturday ritual became so comfortable. Your family eventually knew my name and everything. They became my family, too. And when my daughter became old enough to go with me and started to join our weekly get together, I looked forward to our time more than ever.

We had some really good times. I loved the way you offered up those fresh cookies and muffins to my Girlie while we shopped and drank our hot chocolates and coffee. You were the first to offer me a cup holder on my cart. That was so cool, too. I must admit I will miss your Asian aisle. Your ethnic offerings really do it for me.

However, things have changed. As you know, I had to move. It wasn’t my choice. But life comes at you fast at times and I’ve since relocated across town. It isn’t a long-term residence. I’m only renting. But it is close to the kid’s school. I know you understand. All in all, we are happier now.

The thing is, this isn’t about me. You’ve changed. Oh, I stayed away while you went through all that cosmetic stuff. I had to. I know you get that. And I must admit, you look really good now. But, see, that is part of the problem. You’re too good. You don’t need me anymore. You are so popular these days. Even my daughter asks if we can go visit you. It is so hard to tell her no. She doesn’t understand because she is only 10.

Quite honestly, I’ll admit the other reason is that I run the risk now of stumbling into my ex-wife with you again. That is too painful, not to mention awkward as hell. I just can’t see the two of you together sharing that melon thumping experience and ogling over the best cucumber. It made me feel dirty and even now still gives me a cold shiver just thinking about it.

So, we are over. And just in case you hear from someone else, I think you should know directly from me that I’ve found another. ‘V’ has everything I need. You might remember, we had a ten-year relationship before I started seeing you. We used to live just an apple throw away back then. And now that I’m living over in the neighborhood again, we’ve reacquainted. In fact, you may remember a few years back ‘V’ did that cosmetic thing, too.

You should know it isn’t just ‘V’. I’m single right now, so I’m occasionally involved with a hip little thing during my lunch hour from work. ‘TJ’, as best known, gives me a unique experience. I find myself wanting to experiment much more and try new things. Soy flax seed chips, fresh flowers, and $2 wine has a certain appeal. You can’t compete with that, no doubt.

I also have a monthly fling in a private club. I’m not even embarrassed to admit that to you. ‘CC’ is so big. You have to posses a special card to get inside. It is so exclusive! I can stock up on things like cereal and granola bars. You know how my kids eat. Sometimes, I feel my little commute car isn’t big enough to hold all the boxes of stuff. I never had that issue with you before. You never gave me more than I could handle, though I would have liked the challenge. ‘CC’ has socks. You don’t offer me socks. Consistently, I can find my pork loin for around $1.59 a pound. Granted, storage can be an issue at times. That is half of the game. ‘CC’ is amazing.

You should know that I am in quite the demand these days. I get notices in the mail on a weekly basis. Yes, I still get your colorful propositions, too. But, I’ve been exploring and testing the waters. You should keep an eye on that neighbor Spencer across the street from you. Spence isn’t big. Nobody but a few us locals are in the know. But Spencer makes your end of town worth the trip some weekends. Spence is quite the breast man. So, I might still see you around when I’m in the neighborhood to get my fill of breastesses. Maybe.

Anyway, I guess this is it. I know in my heart this isn’t goodbye. In fact, I still see your sister to north from time to time. She is the closest place to my Lover. I know, I know. For now, though, we need to part ways. Tempt me again with one of those two-for-one milk jug deals, I might have to stop by for old times sake. But no promises, o.k.?!

You take care. I gotta go.

- Mud