Celebration Man, Where Are You?

For most people the “holidays” don’t truly start until Thanksgiving, but for me October 1st is the turning point toward the wonderful insanity of celebration. Maybe because mathematically speaking it is the last quarter of the year. Maybe there is some truth that I feel this way because the Fall I know and love is finally here and the weather is starting, barely, to shift a bit more seasonal. But the truth is, for me, the holidays start in October because of the birthday celebrations I share with my two kids.

October is birth month in the house of Mud. November holds Thanksgiving, the best holiday of all. December ushers up Christmas and then into the New Year. Everything in between is packed with “other” and “getting ready for” those big days. And it takes Super Hero determination and powers to get through it all.

I’m having a difficult time getting motivated. I lack motivation and haven’t mustered the power to fly headfirst into the melee of festivities. Why? Because the Fall of 2007 was shear hell as my marriage was failing in October, falling in November, and fallen by December.

My last birthday was a blast in ‘07, no doubt, as my ex-wife threw me a party with my favorite band playing in our tree-house like setting off the back deck. Friends danced, drank great wine, and I believe everyone had a great time. Yet, reality and reflection shows it was a great going away party, a bon-voyage to the life I knew and loved. It introduced a whole new era.

I never before understood how people could despise the holidays. And they really do, some people. When I was a kid, I remember conversations from adults stating their profound loathing of the holidays. It caused headaches. It was more work than worth. I could never figure how adults could kvetch over loved ones (near and far), all the food, lights, gifts, pumpkins, trees, champagne, and fun. And the pies. Oh, the pies. All that stuff should make you happy, not grumpy, right?

I always wondered, even as an adult, about the negative people. Until last year.

Now, as I trudge through the calendar in my Treo, contemplating the filled events, driving in traffic, lines of last minute shopping, hordes of bitchy people, and the collective crappy moods I used to easily deflect, my mood is sinking. I wonder if I can do this again. I know I can. I know I will. I know the kids need the positive, not the negative. I know I will come out on the other side of 2008 looking at a rather hopeful, gleaming new 2009. I know. I know.

I just don’t feel that Super Hero feeling of Celebration Man today. October 1st is when I dust off the costume and polish the positive attitude. Today is October 1st and I don’t know where Celebration Man is. Last time I saw him was 2006. And of all the years, we need Celebration Man again.

But, I’m working on it. I am. I am Celebration Man and he’s here somewhere.

Update (10.01.08): It helped to walk in the door after work and being given the first "Birth Month" card. That helped a lot.