Hath Frozen Over

My buddy Tim and I do a yearly football trip. As Michigan fans, we usually build the trip around a Wolverine game. This year we braved hostile territory to watch the game in the Horseshoe in Columbus. The following is the text conversation with my GirlFriend.

Mud: Officially behind enemy lines now. Going under gover … GPS pointing us toward The Bush Tavern for lunch … Or Capin’ Woodies Pub & Grub
Mud: In Columbus now … Toasting Tim (he’s 45 today) with more JW Blue before heading out to the Elevator Brewery and Draught Haus.
GF: Toast him for me too. Have fun! Is it snowing there?
Mud: Not at the moment. As we got closer to Columbus it got warmer … Which is appropo FOR HELL. I swear I just saw a flying monkey or two out the window.
GF: Why is it Hell?
Mud: Home of archrival THE Ohio State University … That’s why the ‘bhind enemy lines’ and ‘under cover’ ….
Mud: Big Ballroom Dancing competition at the convention cntr, too.
GF: I get that. Wasn’t sure if u had a bad personal experience or not.
Mud: Never been here before… Hell is grey (and scarlet) and a cold day in hell, btw.
Mud: Hell has a Westin. Tho this non-smoking room smells like smoke. Probably because THIS IS HELL.
GF: u crack me up. I usually like Westins. No duvet w big fluffy pillows?
Mud: Yep. Bed looks comfy. Little slice of heaven WHILE IN HELL.
Mud: K. All bundled up now. Heading out to that brewery. Gonna brave these hellish elements and walk six blocks.
Mud: This bar offers and MBA … A Masters of Beer Appreciation
Mud: Beef Sliders, Aztec Chicken Soup, and a six flight beer tasting.
Mud: btw, we counted four bail bonds places (one was on the corner of Rich St.), a violin repair shop, and the State Capitol bldg on a four block walk thru Hell.
Mud: While in Hell what better concert to go see than AC/DC.? Playing tonight down the street from here. Might try and scalp a few.
Mud: Tim ordered chicken wings. He’s practically in tears they are so hot. Probably because WE R IN HELL.
Mud: Four Vines on the list … So let Christian know his wine is served in Hell. I think he’d like that idea.
GF: You so need to save these texts & blog them. You are on such a roll!
Mud: Back at the hotel room… We needed more ‘Blue’ because everything is scarlet here.
Mud: There has to be a decent Cigar Bar in Hell. That and the place they make Hand Baskets.
GF: Do u think the Blue will clash with the color of your lips & fingertips?
Mud: Blue and Blui-ish whould work together.
Mud: btw, on the walk back we passed Akbar n Jeff at the bus stop across from the bail bonds place. Didn’t see the rabbit tho.
GF: I don’t know Akbar & Jeff
Mud: Matt Groening … Life in Hell comic strips … before The Simpson’s
Mud: Akbar n Jeff. Brotghers or lovers (or possibly both)…. And that silly rabbit
GF: I had school is Hell. Loved those!
Mud: They wore fez(s) and Charlie Brown shirts.
GF: No AC/DC tickets. Sold out. Maybe the place called Columbus Gold out near the airport. They have and OSU v.UoM whipcream wrestling extravaganza.
Mud: According to the ad. Hell has hot women.
GF: Just try to resist “the other delights”
Mud: I don’t think Tiajuana Brass is their house band. I know this because they are the opening act for AC/DC.
GF: Well if you run into Herb tell him that OH blows harder than he does.
Mud: Nice! ROTFLOL
Mud: Dinner at Barley’s. Motto: af few beers were brewed up over the years here….. I’m eating the Grilled Portebella Sandwich with Blackbeans and Rice. The Amber is well on the way to being one of the better Ambers. And from Hell, that statement hurts a lot.
GF: Who did Hot Lips Hoolihan marry? Tim can’t look it up either
Mud: Cl. Donal Penopscott
GF: U R WEIRD. I knew you’d know the answer.
Mud: We found a dive bar. Guinness on tap. Juke box crankin ‘three steps’ by Leonard Skynard. Stumbling distance to the hotel.
Mud: 99 Luftballoons and Petron shaken over ice…. Happy 45th, Tim.
Mud: Hell continued tomorrow for the big game. Night.
GF: Night.