A Safe Place

When I get into the house every other Friday, I’m typically not prepared to cook for either me or the kids. The Girlie and I do the weekly shopping on our Saturday morning ritual. So, Fridays tend to be pizza night. Last night was no exception. I still push for the three of us to at least sit down, stare at each other, and for me anyway, try to catch up on the missed week of my children’s lives. Sometimes all I get is a “not much”. Sometimes I get last night.

Between bites of pizza at a quiet moment, The Girlie asked me “Why are we still at war in Iraq? The news showed some little kids that were lost. I don’t like that at all.”

I was briefly taken aback and over chewed my pizza, hiding behind a façade of a smile so I could think about my explanation. I needed to think of comforting fatherly words to ward off the evil world that wormed its way into my daughter’s consciousness. I fished for the words that could blur the edges of an impoverished child or tanks or soldiers or worse.

I will admit, I’ve wanted to see more of what the war is all about on tv. I don’t believe it is good to hide our actions from the American people. We already seem to be a culture of sheep to a certain extent. I believe if we actually could see all the caskets with draped American flags and more of the devastation these leadership decisions have caused, the American public (I’m talking mostly about the Republican conservative folks) might not have been as supportive.

However, in this moment with my kids I was torn and I knew with frightened clarity that events happen every day. This wasn’t just about the war. I was actually a bit relieved she didn’t ask me about the fall of the American financial world, as I’m not sure I could have really explained that to my nine year old. Not sure I could explain it to me right now. But it was immediately apparent there is a new nightmare nearly every day. Nine year olds must ponder these things all the time. Or they blindly choose to ignore it all and go naively playing with their dolls all sugar and spice with everything nice.

If given the choice to rewind those moments for her, I would have gladly hit the double arrowed left button and rerecorded a newer, nicer video over her Memorex. After all, in spite of my personal world-view, I am her father. I’m Daddy. I protect. It is my job more than any other. If a part of this life didn’t depend on the tv as baby-sitter whilst I prepare dinner (and my addiction to big screen football Sunday), the tv would be on the curb.

Yet, the news is the news. It is on tv every night, and despite the lack of a credible reality counter for the Good to balance it all out, it should be a reminder to all of us that life is not fair. There is no escaping the injustices this world forces upon us. Dark things exist around some of the most seemingly normal places looking all rainbows and ribbons.

And that clue is what The Girlie wanted to know. She is a smart girl and getting more grown up all the time. She simply wanted a version of the truth she could stomach.

So, without going into my politics I tried to explain the basics of the war in Iraq to a nine year old girl; how it started, why we are still there, and my hopes that we end it soon.

I watched her think. I was apprehensive. I’d given her too much to chew on, politically speaking. Her face scruntched up with cute, little thought lines above her eyebrows, “If Obama wins the election will he get us out of the war?”

That’s my girl, I thought as I took a swig of beer to down my bite of pizza. “I hope so,” I stated.

And that was that.

I sort of wish the conversation had turned back to the scary things. I know she sees a lot of it anyway. There are other kids that go to school with her where the parents have restraining orders. She knows kids from abuse. Hell, she knows life can go pretty quickly from an assumed happy family of four to a divorce and alternating parents every other week. She knows.

After dinner, I cuddled up with both kids for a rousing round of Rock Band on the PlayStation. And I wondered if my heart could slow down a bit and keep time with the drum beats coming at me on the screen. I think it is important for us all to laugh.

That is my counter. That is what I, as dad, do. Teach, warn, prepare, love, encourage, and provide that one and only safe place. Home.